The 20 best one-liners ever. But dont worry, it is at the bottom of the things I want to do. Don Baird / Getty Images Advertisement 2. The barman says, Sorry we dont serve food in here. Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains. My friends keep pressuring me to go spelunking, so I finally caved. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles - Unknown 3. Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. 75 Short Jokes for Adults and Kids That Are Actually Funny. 25 Of The Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. ] 2) “I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. Funny one-liners 1. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Extremely Funny One Liners. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. Why did Friday work out? It was a weak day for him. Its incurable and you have three weeks to live. If women were boogers, Id pick you first. 40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in the least possible words. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated. Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright, too. ” — @BHGolfEquipment ————————- 40. 101 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Turns out, Im not gonna be a doctor. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?. 11 Clean One Liner Jokes. 110 of the funniest ever jokes and best one. I was involved in very organised crime. Funny one-liners take a sophisticated observation about life or language and reframe it as a slyly “dumb” joke whose full comic power hits only after your brain unpacks it. 1) “Have you ever noticed [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. Some of the best jokes and one-liners youll ever hear come over the course of 18 holes with buddies, or even with strangers. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it. I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but he kept dropping the bass. He was known for double meanings embedded in his one-liners, along with his ever-present cigar, prominent eyebrows, and glasses. Lance is an uncommon name nowadays. 50+ Funny One Liners To Tell Friends. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. Report 227 points POST THIS IS HILARIOUS 22 View more comments #2 Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. And you dont have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank… I have no words to describe how angry I am. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. Some of the best one-liner comedians include Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine and Steven. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. The 20 best one-liners ever. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. Wayne While Wayne and the others are often busy with chorin they certainly still make time for a lot of immature conversations. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. - Milton Jones I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. — ciprex 02 of 24 Well, Well, Well, Very Funny Via Getty Images/Arsenio Marrero. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. Oh, Im sorry, I didnt realize that youre an expert on my life and how I should live it. Funniest One Liners Ever Heard. Two peanuts went walking down the street. Im not a fan of spring cleaning. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. What did Jonahs family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? Hmm, sounds fishy. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says Plethora. The wife smiles, and says Thank you, that means a lot. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. I went back to sleep right away. Mater is Latin for mother, since their primary function is to protect the central nervous system. Report 158 points POST I just snorted my coffee. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. Game-Changer for Americans in. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. 150 Funny One Liners to Get You Giggling All Day. I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s probably too cheesy. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. So a few years go my friend got viral meningitis, a swelling of the meninges that can easily kill you. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. ” Tommy Cooper “I was married by a judge. zwRI- referrerpolicy=origin target=_blank>See full list on parade. Always remember that youre unique, just like everyone else. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics! 3. ago I skydive and sometimes hear things like this around the drop zone: If your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to fix it. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. “Caddie told me it was a 5 iron to clear the water on a par 3, I. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license. 101 Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Golfer A: “Let’s get a group photo here on the first tee. My friend said: “You have a BA, a. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger each second; then it hit me! 33. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter. They’re also a great way to get a chuckle out of kids. The cops have nothing to go on. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. - Demetri Martin Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. What was Moses wife, Zipphora, known. She got her looks from her father. ] [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. A one-liner joke is a joke delivered in a single line. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. I’m a faux pa. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. 180 Best Dad Jokes of All Time. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Best Dad Jokes of All Time. 109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best …. 175 Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At. Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted. Thats when I knew we werent gonna work out. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, my love. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. I knew it! I wanna see my real parents ! Dad replies, We are your real parents, son. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. 45 Funny, Clean Christian Jokes You Could Tell in Church. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. How he got in my pajamas, Ill never know. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. A man is at the funeral of an old friend. “What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles” – Unknown 3. (… Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. Pack your stuff, theyre waiting. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they. is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit>What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers. Friday is my 3rd best F-word after food and f…! Next: 69 Wine Jokes to Unwind Your Day. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #120 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. Funny Jokes About Friday. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. 42 of the funniest lines you’ve heard on the golf course. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. He keeps trying to convince me hes a compulsive liar, but I dont believe him. They often get worked up and dive into silly topics, but this one point of view that Wayne felt the need to mention is particularly memorable. I finally found a book on how to solve half my problems. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. What are some of the best one liners you have ever heard? Try these on for size: a collection of our favorite gags from some of the worlds greatest comedians. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? Theyre both Paris sites. Next: 75+ Funny What Do You Call Jokes. Thorax: A Dr. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. 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And, to use as few words as possible and still. 20 Funniest Quotes From Letterkenny. Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. However, it was Groucho Marx who became the reigning king of comedy in the 1940s. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, Im not going to go spreading it!. A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints. 120 of the best ever jokes and one. Can You Handle These 65 Ridiculously Funny Medical Jokes?. ” 3) “What’s a comedian’s least favorite drink? [Booze]” I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it. Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life>109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. What is the best Friday of the year for the faithful? The Good Friday. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. Rodney Dangerfield nailed it. “Some cause happiness wherever they go. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Extremely Funny One Liners – Best One Liner Jokes in 2023. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds My phone will ring at 2am and my wifell look at me and go, Whos that calling at this time? I say, I dont know. 1) Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. It was chasing its tail trying to make both ends meet. One liners are great. ” (Long pause) Golfer B: “Yeahhow ‘bout YOU take it?” — @JerryLouLooper ————————- 41. 20 View More Replies View more comments #3. What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, its the whole sentence. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. The man says, Give me the bad news first, Doc. ] 2) I threw a boomerang a few years ago. 3) Whats a comedians least favorite drink? [Booze] I threw a boomerang a few years ago. 45 Funny Christian Jokes Canva/Parade 1. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. Dad comes to his son and tells him hes adopted. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. com%2f1040121%2fmarynliles%2fone-liners%2f/RK=2/RS=ULUGahZ5t51fcFDAaZBsM3. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: theyre easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. The most one-liner jokes youll ever hear in a full comedy special might just be from Geechy Guy. Absolutely hilarious one liners! The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it was only a Thursday. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t. I just got my doctors test results and Im really upset about it. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. The 20 best lines from W1A “I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. We recently asked our @CaddieNetwork Twitter followers to share with us the funniest lines or jokes theyve ever heard on the golf course. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. Outrageously Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. That way, when I do criticize him, Im a mile away and I have his shoes. [sobbing] I dont have any goddamn thumbs! Now jack me off, you piece of shit!. Punchy, concise, and clever, they often make use of play on words, double meaning, or double-entendre. Funniest One Liners Ever HeardFunny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. He was so good, I don’t even care. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat? 3. One liner tags: blonde, death, sarcastic, time 85. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. I try not to tell dad jokes, but when I do, he thinks they’re. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. I had a dream about being a muffler. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!>150 Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!. 105 of the best short jokes and one. 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